The girls across the street didn’t wanna play with my sister they said it was  because she had fluffy hair and darker skin and they asked if we had the same daddies. We like you but not her they whispered and I wanted to punch them real bad for saying mean things about  my sister Deely-thats what I called her even though her name was Felice and she was my best friend in the whole world and I WASN’T GONNA PLAY WITH ANY GIRLS THAT DIDN’T WANT TO PLAY WITH MY SISTER! AND SO I WOULD SHOW OFF MY ONE arm CARTWHEELS AND I WOULD NEVER- EVER TEACH ‘EM HOW TO DO ONE NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY BEGGED,please teach us- please teach us and I would laugh inside no way-no way-TOO BAD mean girls. MY SISTER IS PRETTIER THAN ALL OF YOU PUT TOGETHER AND I WILL NEVER TEACH YOU A ONE ARM CARTWHEEL.

I never knew why some people asked if we were twins and some people asked if we had the same dads that didn’t make sense except that our mom dressed us alike and got us the same haircuts so maybe they thought we were twins with different dads if there was such a thing .

 

I learned the word racist when I was five and my English grandmas neighbor Helen that smoked called my dad a nigger-something like whats your pretty daughter doing with that nigger and he called her an  effin drunk  mother effin blah-blah-racist and we were no longer allowed to speak to her- Helen that drank and  smoked because Dad had lost his Christian cool and said some real bad swear words that were real un-Christian-like and  made us laugh and then try not to laugh and then Helen would try to bribe us with candy and toys and anything to get us to say Hi, but we weren’t allowed to talk to her. English grandma Evelyn kept telling Helen that smoked-they are good girls they listen to their dad-can’t bribe them.  Then dad said stop saying English granma and Spanish granma- who taught you that and granma Evelyn said she didn’t mean anything by it except that grandma Delia didn’t speak English she spoke Spanish-and she didn’t mind being called English granma after-all she spoke English and my dad just gave up-whatever Mom.

 

He called her Mom and I use to think he was her real son like my mom and dad were brother and sister and she was their Mom and then I realized that Spanish granma was dads mom-and I never thought it was anything different that she didn’t speak English because she spoke with her eyes and her food and her beautiful fabrics and dresses and a real big smile so that even if I didn’t know what she was saying I knew. I KNEW SHE WAS SUPER FANCY AND I wanted to be like her and live in a fancy house with too many shoes and big mirrors and statues and wear bright pink lipstick and cover my furniture in plastic and dye my hair red and play loud music and dance and laugh so hard it hurts.

 

We spoke the same language just like her statues and I spoke the same language and the peacock picture that came to life when no one was looking and that scary statue that pinched me every time I walked up the stairs.

 

Well anyway, English granmas neighbor Helen called dad a nigger and I knew that nigger was a bad word and colored wasn’t as bad but I was still embarrassed when English grandma called the other kindergarten teacher colored-Do you have the colored teacher or the white one-she said it real loud in front of everyone and I thought the whole school could hear and I wanted to run and hide that everyone would think I was a racist and not talk to me like how we didn’t talk to Helen that smoked. Grandma don’t say that- colored isn’t nice to say I told her.  That ‘s just the time I come from -my generation says it. It’s okay for me to say it. Granma Evelyn would say whatever she wanted -whenever she wanted to whoever she wanted if she backed it up with well that’s just the time  I come from. And dad said she didn’t mean any harm and she wasn’t hateful or anything so it was okay for her and we loved her as she was even if she was friends with Helen that smoked who called dad a nigger.