Mami had red hair pale skin and freckles and daddy had brown skin and kinky hair. Sister P from bible study had long red hair and freckles and her husband had brown skin and kinky hair. Maybe if you had red hair your husband was suppose to have brown skin. I wished I had freckles like  Mami and so I tried to see what I would look like but the pencil wouldn’t make the marks stay and so I wouldn’t be as pretty as Mami because I didn’t have freckles. Maybe if grew my hair long or had fancy boots like hers that went over the knee with nice tan leather and a matching purse and pretty gold hoop earrings.

Sister P had two boys:D and N. Mami had two girls. Felice and me. Bekah Boo. Felice said she was gonna marry N and I was gonna marry D because he was my age but really a few months younger I was older and faster and I could jump higher. Then when we grew up we would have kids and maybe one would have freckles and maybe one would look like D. D had brown skin and fluffy hair and big cheeks. When we went camping we liked to dangle our legs over the water on the ledge and run super fast back and forth on the path and ignore our parents when they said slow down sit still.

When I was around D I wondered if everyone knew he was gonna be my husband. I tried not to smile too much when I first saw him because I could see all the adults looking at us and smiling and saying look how cute they play. But when the adults walked away I would have so much fun running and playing with him.

One day Mami got a phone call and she was crying real bad and went in her room and then daddy came home and he started crying and hugging Mami and Felice and I put our ears to the door to hear what was wrong and daddy was holding Mami and then they hugged us

My Mami hugged me her face red tears making her shirt wet and she held me tight and said: D is not here anymore- he got hurt. He is sleeping until paradise.

I didn’t move or cry.  Don’t you understand? We wont see him until the paradise.  He is not here anymore.

I did not understand.

If I closed my eyes I could see his face and hear his laugh and feel his fast running feet behind me. When I went to bed and dreamt of flying higher than buildings he was flying right next to me.

What does not here anymore mean?

His body is gone.

I heard the adults murmuring:

He was running through the house and ran straight through the French glass doors. The babysitter didn’t call 911 right away and a major artery was hit. He bled to death. Before the paramedics could get there.

At bible study N looked so sad without D next to him. What would it be like to not have my sister anymore? He looked like he would never laugh again. So did sister and brother P. My husband when I grow up was gone. But N lost his brother. Sister P lost her baby boy. And the paradise earth one day to see him again didn’t make anything feel better.

I wanted to tell them at night to ask to fly with him over buildings. That he was smiling and happy. That his body was gone but if you closed your eyes super tight you could hear his voice and feel his big cheek smile. I wanted to hug sister P but when she saw me she didn’t look like she wanted a hug, I wanted to tell her I miss him too.